How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
