Sponge bath it is.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
