i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
