I never want to see another naked old woman again.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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