I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
