you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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