I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
