Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
