peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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