I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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