guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
