can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He has the fingertips of a God
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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