Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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