Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
