I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
