Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
