Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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