Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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