Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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