Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
They have beer where we have blood.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
