Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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