That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
