I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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