i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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