there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize