My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Floor bacon is actually really good
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
