i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
