is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
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