If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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