mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
