One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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