she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
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