one two three fourrrrnication!
Small penises have feelings too.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
