can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
