Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
