today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
