I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
