i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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