i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
