His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
