they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
