Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
