Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize