Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize