The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
