we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
