Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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