Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
