there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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