sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
When are your genitals available?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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