Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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