U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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