my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
