meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
