Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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