Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
