Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Randomize