yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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