the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
