I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He's a Shit stain on my heart
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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