If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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