She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
