Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I think my vagina is haunted
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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