I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
