she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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