she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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