I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
