you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
