Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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