my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
