All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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