So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
