My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
