you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
