Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
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