Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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