Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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