I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
