the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize