you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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