She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
