I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
