Umm I'm too high to move.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
