U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
