Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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