i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
