My liver just broke up with me...
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize