she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
