She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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