he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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