ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
