That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
