then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Randomize
