my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
